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On the beat
Content............................................................ Page 2
Speed Trap Ahead........................................ Page 3
Over The Border......................................... Page 4
State Troopers' Balls.................................. Page 5
FBI Raid....................................................... Page 6
Meal Break................................................... Page 7
Holy Water................................................... Page 8
Speed Trap Ahead
A policeman had a perfect spot to watch for speeders, but was not getting many. Then, he discovered the problem; a 10 year old boy was standing up the road with a hand painted sign which read, "SPEED TRAP AHEAD". The officer then found a young accomplice down the road with sign painted "TIPS" and a bucket of change.
Over The Border
A policeman pulled a car over and told the driver he had won $5,000 dollars in the seatbelt competition.
"What are you going to do with the money?" asked the policeman.
"Well, I guess I'm going to get a drivers license", he answered.
"Oh, don't listen to him," said a woman in the passenger seat, "He's a smart aleck when he's drunk."
Then the guy in the backseat said, "I knew we wouldn't get far in a stolen car."
At that moment there was a knock from the trunk and a voice said, "Are we over the border yet?"
State Troopers' Balls
Judy was pulled over for speeding by a Pennsylvania State Trooper on the PA Turnpike. When he walked up to her window and opened his ticket book she said: "I bet you're going to sell me a ticket to the State Troopers' Ball. He replied, "No, State Troopers don't have balls." There followed a long moment of silence while she smiled and it dawned on him just what he'd said. He then closed his book, got back in his patrol car and left. She was laughing so hard she couldn't even start her car for several minutes!
FBI Raid
"Hello, is this the FBI?" "Yes, I'm calling to report about my neighbor Billy Bob Smith! He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood." "Thank you very much for the call and the tip sir." The next day, FBI agents descend on Billy Bob's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open Every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They swore at Billy Bob and left. The phone rings at Billy Bob's house. "Hey, Billy Bob! Did the FBI come?" "Yeah!" "Did they chop your firewood?" "Yep." "Happy Birthday, Buddy!"
Meal Break
Two police officers went into a local diner while on break and ordered two sodas. Not having put that much OT in, they each brought their own sandwiches from home and started to eat. The owner became quite concerned and quickly marched over and told them, "Look, I'll let you guys have a meal on the house every now and then because my customers feel safe when you're around, but you can't eat your own sandwiches in here!" The cops looked at each other, shrugged their shoulders and then exchanged sandwiches.
Holy Water
A church minister is driving down to Coral Springs, Florida on I95 when he's stopped for speeding. The Highway Patrol Officer smells alcohol on his breath and then he sees an empty wine bottle on the floor, and he says, "Sir, have you been drinking?" And the minister says, "Just water." The Officer says, "Then why do I smell wine?" And the minister looks down at the bottle and says, "Good Lord, He's done it again!"
"Hey Baby...I'm Kool"
Redneck Hunters
Incident Report
A small hole was just
discovered in the women's
locker room. Police are
looking into it.
~This was
reported in a complaint by
Officer Sally Griffith.
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